Scars

Our neighbor is selling the beautiful house he and his family built last year.  We took a tour after it went on the market and I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of moving-itis.  Being so new and  in market condition, everything looked perfect from the pool in the backyard to the black stone counter tops.  I kept looking at each room and how easily we’d fit into this place but alas, it’s not meant to be.

For one thing, just the mention of moving (even though it would be only a block away) brought looks of mutiny from my family.  We’d have to find homes for all the livestock and domestic animals; except the dog.  I’d have to do some fence work and paint a structure or two.  Then I got to looking through the house and even though we keep it up pretty well, there’s still plenty of scars to mend before we could even think of putting it on the market.

If you were to take a tour through our house, you’d see more than one stain on the carpets.  More than one indentation in the walls where some kid went around the corner a bit too fast or a piece of furniture didn’t quite make it around the corner when being moved.  The linoleum in the kitchen has more than a few dents where something flew out of the refrigerator or a bowl of something tasty succumbed to the force of gravity and made its mark like a meteor making a crater.

A realtor friend of mine once told me that if you ever think you might sell your house, it’s better to stay ahead of fix it kinds of things so that you can move on a moment’s notice without stressing out trying to fix a ton of little scars all at once.

Analogy time.  Isn’t that the truth when it comes to relationships with each other or with our Creator?  Little things that aren’t fixed over time end up fostering resentment or bitterness with people we’re supposed to love.  Little put downs that may go unnoticed because of all the emotional scar tissue that’s accumulated over the years are like having stains or holes in the walls that are unnoticed by the home owners, but are painfully obvious to a guest.

Living without a relationship with God and the building of one’s faith step by step would lead to an unfulfilled life of sadness and pain.  I don’t think we were ever supposed to mimmic the life of the thief on the cross.  We are supposed to grow in Christ over a lifetime.  If we fall, those issues need to be healed before the scar tissue takes over.

Just like a hole in the wall that gets fixed, the home owner will still see the small signs of the repair and the slight difference in paint color, but a future buyer will only see a  house that will soon become a home.

Of iPads, iPods, and Apple IIs

Relationships and Christianity are on hold this week, so get your geek on and lets rant!

I don’t know if it’s ironic that I just finished iWoz; the autobiography of Apple founder Steve Wozniak; the same day that the iPad was introduced or not.  What caught my ear (thanks Audible.com) was when Apple needed venture capital during the late 70’s to start manufacturing their original computers.  One of their potential investors told Woz that every decade or so, an important milestone in technology came along that would change the world.

Obviously the Apple II did just that.  No one had placed a computer of such power on a desk before let alone in someone’s house.  That was around 1980, so fast forward 10 years and it’s 1990.  The internet was just starting to become popular.  Email and webpages were becoming the norm for businesses and just taking off for home users.

Leap ahead another decade and mobile phone technology becomes popular.  Cell phones leap out of bags and into people’s pockets as land lines become lonely.

10 years later and it’s the iPad.  The only thing is that the Apple II, the internet and the cell phone all have something in common with each other, but not with the iPad.

All three have in common the ability to be used as a tool to create other cool stuff.  Wozniak didn’t see this one coming, but if you remember back in the day, computer magazines were full of software and hardware peripherals that could be used with the Apple II.  In other words, the Apple II launch created additional industries to support the original product.

The internet is the same.  It is not an end unto itself.  It was used as a tool to launch sites like Amazon and Google.  Sure it is used as a consumption device, but it also takes on the role of economic growth tool.

Cellular phones like the Blackberry also became a tool in the hands of businesses all over the world.  People didn’t buy these wireless devices because they were cool, but to communicate with their friends and partners.

So back to the iPad launch.  Can it be used as a tool for creativity or to launch other companies?  Sure if you’re into finger painting or proofreading books.  Steve Jobs and Apple have created this tablet to be an end device to allow users to consume media.  It therefore doesn’t meet the criteria of a world changing, paradigm shifting thing that will launch industries never heard of a few years ago.

The iPad will let users consume media that they can already consume on their computers or iPods.  Maybe this is the reason the price point shocked even the most hardened pundits.

Am I down on the iPad?  No, but I don’t consider it a game changer.

Bedroom Etiquette

I don’t mean THAT kind of bedroom etiquette, but another.  When I was a kid, my parent’s bedroom was this place that nobody seemed to occupy.  Rarely did we ever see them in it, and us kids never went in because it had some weird kind of force field that kept us out.  It seemed that it was off limits to everyone and we were more than willing to comply.

Fast forward a few decades and I got to thinking this week how my parent’s bedroom differs from the one my wife and I live in.  You know how in some people’s houses there is always one room that the occupants and guests seem to gravitate toward?  In most cases it’s either the family room or the kitchen.  For some unknown reason, in our case it’s the bedroom.

After school and on the weekends, there are at least 5 people in it working on their computers, doing homework or fighting with a sibling (not to mention the multiple cats and a dog that call it home).  One day this week, there were 3 family members sitting on the bed doing homework.  I have no idea how our bedroom became the place to be and be seen.

When my wife’s friends come over to visit, the first place they’ll end up is the bedroom.  On the weekends, traffic flows through it constantly with either kids or their friends wandering in and out all day long.  I can’t count how many times I’ve been taking a nap only to be awakened by a neighbor kid asking me how my day is going.

Do I consider this a problem?  With respect to waking up from a nap, yes.  Everything else, no.  Since people gravitate to where they can find comfort and connection, then this must be the place to be.

In case you’re wondering, we do have a check out policy in place.  After 10pm, all temporary occupants must vacate to their own quarters; even the cats.

How about you?  Do you have a room in your house people gravitate to?  Why do you think that is?

The Bachelor; Pragmatic Edition

A word to the Fox Television Network; if you use this idea, all I want is Super Bowl tickets in return.

So I’m flipping through the programs on Hulu the other day and up pops the latest Bachelor show.  I had some spare time on my hands, so I thought I’d watch the first few minutes as the latest dude is a pilot (note: aviation is in my blood).  I ended up watching the whole thing and I have to tell you that this show makes me want to gag.

A good analogy for this program would be if NBC were to take the Biggest Loser contestants on their first week, sit them down and say the following.

“We’re here to make your weight loss dreams come true.  All you have to do for the next several months is eat more donuts and smoke more cigarettes while watching TV all day.”

So I’ve come up with a new version of The Bachelor that Fox can steal if they want.  It’s called The Bachelor; Pragmatic Edition.  It combines the best of two shows; The Bachelor and Celebrity Rehab.

The first thing to go will be how someone looks.  Gowns and suits are out and makeup will be optional.  Before anyone meets for the first time, each person will go through an intensive weekend where professional counselors will do evaluations on each contestant to see how emotionally healthy they are.  Dr. Drew, are you reading this?  After analyzing family histories and mental health tests, the counselors will get together and cast out the bottom 10 of 25 women (or men for the reverse show) that they think will not make it for the long haul of marriage.

At that point, the contestants could meet, but physical touch would be discouraged and all alcohol would be removed from the premises.  Instead of dates involving crazy fantasies like dancing under the moonlight on a private island, my show would include realistic scenarios.

Let a date include running a daycare for 24 hours, or better yet, let the couple take care of some Supper Nanny kids before she works her magic.  You’ll get to know if your future spouse wants kids after that one.  Let them do hard labor at a Habitat for Humanity build.  Does the future spouse care if their nails get broken?  Drop the happy couple off in the wilderness to see if they can survive for a day.  You get the idea.  Instead of fantasy, give them something they’ll need to deal with 20 years into marriage that might break them.

My point is you can’t tell who someone is based on what color dress they’re wearing.  The Bachelor is basing his decision on what someone looks like and who kisses the best.  Add alcohol and you’ve got another fizzled engagement on your hands.

As I was watching the show, the Bachelor kept most of the unstable women and cut the healthy ones.  No wonder this guy is unlucky with love.

A final word to Fox TV.  Do you remember when the shift from Green Acres to Archie Bunker happened?  Lead the way and take the fantasy out of reality TV!  Just remember those tickets.

Devolution and Idiocracy

If you’re familiar with the movie Idiocracy, you’ll know what this post is about.  In the movie, an unmotivated librarian is accidentally transported 500 years into the future only to become the smartest guy on the planet because the world population has been devolving instead of evolving.

The reason I bring this up is because I went shopping for earbuds the other day with my kids.  These things are attached to iPods and other portable media devices.  The speakers in these things are so small that if they fell out of their enclosures, you might have better luck finding a lost contact lens.

It’s fascinating that the younger generation has “devolved” when it comes to audio reproduction.  Back when I was a kid, there used to be hi-fi stores.  Audiophiles would spend thousands on amplifiers, turntables and speakers to reproduce music like they were the producers.  If you went over to these people’s houses, the first thing you’d get was, “Hey, you need to take a listen to my stereo system; I spent the day adjusting the speaker positions so the sound would bounce off the walls without phase delay.”

Does anyone care about accurate reproduction of audio today?  When was the last time you saw a hi-fi store?  Besides the hearing sense, devolution has also happened with taste.  In the old days, you’d get a great meal from your local diner or a good restaurant.  Today, most food that isn’t cooked at home is purchased in a drive through lane.    We now consider eating a Quarter Pounder fine dining.

Most teens today get their visual media from sites like Youtube.  Instead of sitting in a theater or in front of a high definition TV, they’d rather squint at a computer and watch two minute distorted blocky clips of people “failing” or making fun of real movies.

It’s all about the quantity and speed of satisfying the senses vs. taking time to enjoy something really good.

Now it’s your turn.  Think of something that used to be cool 50 years ago that has totally lost it’s flavor today.  Cars?  Movies?  I’d like to hear your feedback.

Letter to the Blogger.

Since I’m on vacation this week, I wasn’t going to post anything new until I responded to another blog post.

Here’s the link(please read first), and my response below;  BTW, have a great New Year!

http://npucnewsletter.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/why-not-try-this-help-a-struggling-marriage/

Very awesome post.  So many times, we as Christians don’t want to get involved merely because we don’t know what to say.  If you need a script, then this is the place to start!

Since you turned on the comments button, I’ll add my two cents.

With respect to number 16, I would encourage you to rethink this one.  People who are struggling with any kind of self destructive behavior need to be in counseling.  If marriage is to show the world what the relationship is between Christ and his church, then we need to make sure any marriage troubles are taken as a crisis that needs intervention.

Let’s say you had a friend at church that had been recently diagnosed with cancer.  He was afraid of the treatment, so didn’t bother telling anyone and acted as if nothing was wrong.  He shows up at church and starts to vomit blood all over; how would the church respond?

“We’re going to pray for you buddy.”
“We need you to step down from your deacon position to spend time focusing on your cancer.”
“You should eat more tofu.”

No!  You or anyone else in the church would call 911 and seek immediate treatment for this guy in crisis.

That’s how we would respond to a health problem, but how about a mental health problem?

Many times the issues people have like marriage trouble or any kind of addictive behavior are only the tip of the iceberg.  Praying and reading the Bible won’t fix the issues that may need to be brought to the surface and healed.  If praying and Bible study were the cure-all, then why would Christian denominations run hospitals?

Your suggestion of small groups and friends to come along side a hurting church member is excellent.  I would add that clergy also need to connect with good Christian counselors in their communities for the purpose of referring troubled families and individuals when the need arises.

The last thing I’d like to respond to is #14.  While I agree that in most cases it would be wise to have people in crisis step down from their positions of leadership to focus on healing, this kind of council is handed out inconsistently in most churches.  For example;

If a wife were consistently being physically abused by her husband and after years of seeking out help from her church, she finally divorces him, the vast majority of churches would shun her, disfellowship her or ask her to step down from leadership.

In other words, instead of moving toward her, the church would shut her out of fellowship.

If a sex addict came and asked for help at a church board meeting, the same response would happen.

Yet, if an elder or worship leader is 200 pounds overweight and has a known food addiction, the response is to either accept or ignore the problem.

See the inconsistency?  People who are hurting inside will seek out comfort in unhealthy places.  We as a church need to be able to intervene on their behalf with a commitment to stay by their side throughout their recovery and to help them seek out the best treatment even it if means going outside the church for help.

It’s Christmas; Time to Lighten Up

I’m going to pick on my son again this week; well, not him directly, but his class.  We had the bunch of them over last week for the sophomore Christmas party.  Not many, maybe around ten or so.  Their last activity was eating pizza and sledding down the hill in the front yard.

The sledding part went pretty well with the exception that the snow was melting  fast so you had to pick your path carefully.  The interesting part was when they all came indoors for pizza.  Their teacher escort didn’t have much in the way of activities planned, so I thought I’d put in the Mr. Bean Christmas DVD to watch as they ate.

I don’t know about you, but when I first saw this skit, I cracked up big time.  Check out the first part here.  So I was quite surprised to observe these high school kids watch this classic with stone faces.  Nobody blinked an eye except to check an occasional cell phone.  I shouldn’t say everybody.  My son had seen it so many times, he was probably numb to it.  Only one other kid thought it was funny.  I don’t remember his name, but he had just emigrated with his family from India.  He sat there doubled over with laughter as he watched the most difficult of physical comedy unfold.  The others just rolled their eyes at him and checked their watches.

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds.  A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.  ~William James

I got to thinking about the kids in my sophomore class way back in the dark ages.  I can honesty say that the vast majority of them would have laughed out loud if Mr. Bean had been invented back then.  So what’s the difference between kids back then and now?  Has the current generation lost any sense of humor?

Above all else: go out with a sense of humor.  It is needed armor.  Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.  ~Hugh Sidey

The ability to laugh and make others laugh shouldn’t be that difficult, but I don’t see much of it anymore.  Both kids and parents are wound so tight nowadays that there isn’t any room for humor.  One colleague of mine said, “We’re so busy, we don’t have time for fast food anymore.”

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower

My Dad was the one who taught me to be funny.  He spent his life digging ditches and soldering pipe.  I guess you’d have to be a comic to keep from killing yourself with that life.  I’d watch him through the years walk into rooms full of stoic people and light their fires by telling jokes or making funny observations about life.

…a keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected and outlast the unbearable. ~ Billy Graham

That’s the kind of thing I’ve wanted to pass down to my kids.  They can see the humor in any situation, but sharing it brings only scattered results from their peers.  If I were to fast forward 30 years, I’d want each of my children to have households full of laughter and clever thoughts versus a family that sits alone texting lol instead of doing it.

Humor is, I think, the subtlest and chanciest of literary forms.  It is surely not accidental that there are a thousand novelists, essayists, poets or journalists for each humorist.  It is a long, long time between James Thurbers.  ~Leo Rosten

Peter Brady Syndrome

This is a story I’ll tell at my oldest son’s expense.  He is a sophomore attending the local Christian high school and has inherited my introverted personality.  Early in the fall, I started bugging him about attending the formal dinner the school puts on at Christmastime.  He mumbled something about how boring it would be and that nobody would go with him, so I’d drop the subject but keep bugging him occasionally.

My oldest daughter, who graduated from the same school last year, got into the act and tried to persuade him to go.  All she got was the same stone wall.  She was going to attend by herself as they had asked her to record the evening to video.  So the time came to make a decision but he was still sitting on the fence.  All the girls had been asked out and he (along with another guy who had just broken up with his girlfriend) would be the only stags attending.

Word got out to the student association at the school and needless to say, there’s nothing like a good dose of peer pressure to change one’s mind.  They convinced him to go by giving him a free ticket and promising that he wouldn’t be ignored.  Knowing that his sister would also be there probably helped.

The night of the big event came and they dressed to the hilt, climbed into the limo and were swept away to as exciting of an evening as a Christian school could have.

Tangent time.  Do you remember the Brady Bunch episode where Peter is having personality issues?  In the end, he has a party to show off his comedic skills and bombs.  Feeling sorry for himself, he sits on the steps and mopes that he’s dull.  Girl after girl comes up to him to offer support and consolation.  In the end, he’s surrounded by every girl at the party and ends up having a great time.

Well that’s exactly what happened to the sophomore.  He ended up being the star of the banquet and in the end, had his picture taken surrounded by every girl at the event.

I still haven’t quite figured this dynamic out.  Is it the pity women feel for men who are down, or is it an interest in a man who isn’t attainable?  Don’t know.  Go figure.  Word on the street is that my son has been seen actually talking to girls in the hallway at school beyond merely saying hello.

Maybe this whole thing was brought on when they served pork chops and apple sauce that night.

Stick to the Script.

If you want to amuse yourself sometime, pick up a call that you know is a telemarketer. One of their first questions is to verify your name and where you live. When they ask, throw them off their script by asking questions of your own.

What is your name and how do you spell it?

Is this a full time job or are you employed part time?

Do you like your job?

Etc.

Because they aren’t being paid to answer your questions, they’ll get frustrated and hang up.

The same can be accomplished with people who show up at your door selling stuff or asking you to join their church. I had a guy walk into my shop one day from a popular door to door church and he started in with his script. Now I’m no Bible scholar, but I have read it through a couple of times and pretty much know how the plot goes. So when he said something about how when the Bible refers to heaven, it isn’t a literal place, but a figure of speech, I piped up with, “What did Jesus mean when he said that he’s preparing a mansion for each of his believers and emphasized that statement with ‘if it were not so, I would have told you’”?

That must have thrown him off of the script because he changed the subject. After a few more of those volleys, he packed up and left. It felt just as if a telemarketer had called. If you deviate or get into an actual conversation about anything not on the script, then there’s danger.

Each Christian organization has different beliefs, even among those of the same denomination. What bugs me is that there isn’t any listening going on. Believers take a stand on a subject and then cover their ears so that questions won’t get in.

A neighbor of ours once asked us why our church believed a certain way on a subject and we opened up the Bible and showed her. When we asked her why she believed another way, she got back to us a week later after consulting with her pastor on what to say.

Now there are scripts that my church sticks to that over the years I don’t believe in anymore. If I were to show the leadership what I believe based on the Bible, I would probably be ignored or chastised. For the most part though, we’re on the same page.

I guess the point of all this is that belief is an individual thing. What we read and how we interpret is something that comes from the Holy Spirit through Bible study and prayer. When my last day is up, I won’t be judged based on my affiliation with a church, but my personal growth in God.

Interview with the Ranter.

DM sent a few interview questions my way and this is my response.   It kind of felt like homework but was fun too.

#1  Imagine you are 85 years old- your mind is strong , but your body is weak.  You are looking back over your life…what are 5 goals you would like to have accomplished with your life- hint-  it could be relationship goals, material goals, the sky is the limit-  another way to put it..what do you really want to accomplish with your life while you still can

Always be on a path of spiritual growth.

Be closer to my wife each year.

Help my 5 kids get through college with no (or a small amount) of school debt.

Be connected and emotionally close with those same kids so that they marry good spouses and raise healthy families.

Leave a good inheritance for my family.

#2  What are (5) strengths in your life?

Persistent

Loyal

Willing to help when asked

Frugal

I’m a great listener; most of the time

..then tell me (5) weaknesses

Avoider of conflict

Hold grudges

Sarcastic

I don’t ask for help when I need it.

People pleaser

#3  Describe yourself in 10 words or less.

I like to ask questions but don’t find many answers.

#4   How are you like your mother?  How are you like your father? – if you’re not say so.

My mom has a great knack for hospitality.  She can make even her enemies feel right at home.  She also works tirelessly without any complaint or gripe to better the lives of those around her.  I’d like to think I got some of those qualities from her.

My dad and I are quite the opposite.  He goes out to meet conflict, while I hide in the bushes.  He’s the life of the party and I’m the wall flower.  He loves detailing his machinery, while I ended up with the slob gene.  The good part about that is I can buy his old cars that are like new.  The thing we have in common is doing the right thing even though it isn’t popular.  I watched him over the years get beaten up by people that should have known better and have him come out the other end looking like a genius.  I’d like to think a little of that rubbed off on me.

#5  Who are the people that have made the biggest impact in your life spiritually?

My parents who may have been more on the legalist side, but showed consistency of faith and integrity even to this day.

The pastor that I had as a twenty something; he is the only spiritual leader that showed vulnerability from the pulpit.  He was truly interested in his followers and it showed.  He taught me that it was ok to struggle spiritually and that asking questions didn’t mean you were a bad believer.

My wife who has faith beyond measure compared to me.

#6  What do you currently do as a career- what do you like about it- What don’t you like about it and why?

I’m an electronics engineer for an electrical utility that reaches into every state on the west coast.  I love my job because it is the perfect blend of office and field work.  Unlike my previous job, I get to be home every night and don’t spend countless weeks on the road.  I get to work in the most beautiful location in America.  My work is challenging, ever changing but not overwhelming.

Like any job, the people at the top ignore the workers at the bottom.  There is no career advancement unless you move to the big city.  Retiring workers aren’t being replaced, making more work for those that are left.  Watching managers spend $10 to save $1 is fun.

#7  What are 5 “must read” books in your humble opinion?

How We Love; Yerkovich

The Source; Michener

What Do You Care What Other People Think?; Feynman

The Last Lecture; Pausch

The Desire of Ages; White

#8  Do you have any heros?  who are they and why did you pick them?

You know it’s a funny thing about heroes.  The longer I live, the less heroic people seem.  I’ve watched folks that I thought were worth following do stupid stuff that messes up their lives as well as those close to them.  I’ve come to realize that the people I’d like to emulate are those who humbly work for the spiritual, mental and physical health of others without need for recognition.  Desmond Doss is a great example.

#9 What are your favorite foods?

In my younger days, I used to work often in southern New Mexico.  A local introduced me to New Mexican cuisine and I was hooked.  The green chile sauce is what makes it so different than anything you’d find in Texas or California.  Pour it over anything and add a basket of Sopaipillas and we’ve got a meal.

#10 At this point, what spiritual gifts do you see evidenced in your life?

Ministry

Teaching

Service

Giving

Mercy

Wisdom

Knowledge

Thanks again to DM for making up this list of questions.